DAD

Well some sad news the nurse at seasons hospice think dad has had another TIA (mini stroke). He has all the signs, getting weepy, confusion, change in personality. They were going to call the doctor today. they have had to call mom many nights this week because he was either crying or combative. Tuesday night they called around 10pm and i went out and spent the night. he wants to come HOME.
They called again early this morning because he was upset. I told mom I would go so she could rest. When I got there he was crying. He doesn't want to be left alone for any amount of time. He does calm down pretty quickly when someone gets there. Mom has decided she needs to be there 24/7 now. I think Liz, Shannon, and I are going to have to figure out a way to get her home for breaks though. She'll end up wearing herself out!
Dad told the nurses this morning (before I got there) that he was dying and there was no sense in giving him his pain medicine and they should save it for someone else...isn't it just like him to be thinking of the other patients and not want to take medicine from them. He's still that goof ball we all love. ( he did finally take his pain meds)
If you stop by and he seems overly weepy or irritated keep in mind its probably just the TIA (mini stroke). Hopefully it will get better soon. I hate seeing him cry and not be able to do anything about it.

our "dad" routine

well we were always a close knit family, but dads illness has brought us even closer. I think we have finally got a routine down for keeping family with dad...early mornings are my time with dad, if mom hasn't stayed over night (which she's doing more and more) she comes around 11, on Shannon's days off she trys to get up there mid afternoon, and Lizzy comes late evenings. When Jake comes home on weekends he's up there along with Darrick and Liz's husband, Warren and son, Jeremy. With other family members filling in when they can. We have been trying not to double up to much, because to many people in the room seems to confuse dad more.
Now you see we have a routine but all it takes is a call from one another to throw it off and we all scramble to be there for dad ... and each other. I can only speak for myself...I'm getting tired. I haven't talked about being tired to alot of people but I did have a good talk with Darrick about it. the tiredness isn't coming from being with dad it's coming from the guilt I and I'm guessing Liz ( of course she's the sensible one out of all of us girls) feel. If I'm not up with dad I feel like I'm letting him or mom down. When I'm with dad I feel like I'm letting Darrick and the kids down. Of course Darrick told me not to worry about them, but the guilt still stays with you ( if only I could be sensible like Lizzy =-).
Enough of my rambling ( which is SO easy to due on here!!!) Dad had a roller coaster week. good days and bad, sometimes both in one day. He's tired, been asking to go home, having more pain, and been very emotional. Mom has stayed over night many nights this last week. The good thing is the nurses there make sure she eats. She looks tired/worried. There's been days that dad is so clear it's almost scary and then days that... WOW what happened. Saturday night he thought we had gone gambling and then we were staying at a hotel. He was concerned that the bed was to small for him and mom to sleep in.....if all this wasn't so sad it would be humorous.... love you all thank you for all your support and visits. Dad really does enjoy them.

dad

well dad is hanging in there. truly enjoying all the company. he still is confused, mornings are much better for him. still gets emotional which sends the rest of us into tears, still wants to know when he gets to go home (more tears). The hospice doctor was around last Friday and unfortunately only mom was there. he gave mom some very confusing information...he told her that his heart was good for ..him, his lungs were good for him... but he could go in a day or two weeks so if we leave at night stay close to our phones...well you could imagine that put poor mom into a tizzy. I'm not even sure if that info makes sense, it sounds like alot of (excuse my language ) bull shit!!! nothing like talking in a GREAT big circle. mom has calmed down and we all have told her that we don't know whats going to happen, every day is different. he has really good days and really bad days. personally i think that doctors a dumb ass, what a dumb shit thing to say!!!! we all continue to stay by his side as much as possible and hold his hand, which he loves!!! so if you stop by say hey and grab his hand. love you all!!!!!!!!!

the light switch effect

let me explain the title. dad seems to be like a light switch this week. monday morning the light was on....he was chatting away pulled himself up to a sitting postion and just looked over all good. darrick and i left around noon, he had lots of company that day and everything looked so good. i really thought if he continued on this road we could bring him home soon. then the light switch clicked off.....mom left around 5pm and was called back to the hospice house around 630. dad was confused and irate. mom ended up spending the night and not leaving until the next afternoon. Liz and I took over at 330. by then he had calmed down but was still confused. he did finally eat a little supper and fall asleep. he slept thruogh the night with out incident. today mom said he was better for her but still confused and a bit hard to understand. he slept alot. darrick, shannon, and i visited this afternoon and he was better???? still a little hard to understand and confused. he would tell us not to leave and then would look over my shoulder and say " when did dad get here...." then look back at us and say "dad died didn't he..." and then tear up. that broke my heart!!!! he wants to come home...thats all he talked about tonight...will i get to come home...when do i get to come home....will i die here...don't let me die here...I WANT TO GO HOME....we all try to reassure him that he needs to get stronger and then we'll try to get him home.

light switches.....i prefer them to stay ON.......

a very busy weekend

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IT'S BEEN A VERY BUSY WEEKEND. FRIDAY I SPENT MOST OF THE DAY AT THE HOSPICE HOUSE WITH DAD. WHEN I GOT HOME DARRICK SUGGESTED WE GO OUT TO EAT AND THEN SHOOT A GAME OR TWO OF DARTS ONLY TO FIND OUT SHANNON AND THE GIRLS FROM WORK HAD PLANNED A SURPRISE PARTY FOR ME. WHAT A FUN NIGHT!

SATURDAY WE GOT UP (WITH A HURTING HEAD I MIGHT ADD) AND WENT TO WINONA TO PICK UP JAKE. WHEN WE GOT BACK TO ROCHESTER WE HEADED UP TO THE HOSPICE HOUSE TO VISIT WITH DAD. HE WAS PRETTY GOOD A LITTLE SLEEPY BUT ENJOYED HAVING JAKE THERE. LATER THAT NIGHT DARRICK AND SHANNON WENT TO THE MMA AND BOXING FIGHTS TO WATCH SHANNON'S "BOYFRIEND" TOMMY SPEAR FIGHT.

TODAY WE AGAIN HEADED UP TO THE HOSPICE HOUSE AND VISITED WITH DAD. HE WAS VERY SLEEPY THIS MORNING. HE HAD A BUSY DAY YESTERDAY WITH VISITORS SO WE DIDN'T STAY LONG ( WANTED HIM TO GET HIS REST). Jake HAS JUST HEADED BACK TO WINONA HE HAS MID-TERMS COMING UP AND NEEDED TO GET SOME STUDYING DONE.

DARRICK HAS TAKEN THIS NEXT WEEK OFF AND I HAVE ALSO. WE PLAN TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE WITH DAD AND TRY TO GIVE MOM A BREAK. SHE IS GETTING VERY TIRED AND NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF AS WELL.

I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED WITH DADS UPDATES IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME

AGAIN LOVE YOU ALL

B-DAY PARTY

SHANNON AND THE GIRLS FROM WORK THREW ME A SURPRISE B-DAY PARTY LAST NIGHT. I WAS TOTALLY SURPRISED!!!! I HAD NO IDEA. I HAD ALOT OF FUN. IT WAS GREAT TO SEE OLD FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE SUCH GREAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!!! AND THANKS FOR THE GOOD TIME AND MEMORIES.

PS. A GOOD FRIEND TOLD ME THAT 40 IS THE KNEW 25 AND I THINK I LIKE THAT!!!!

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well dad has been at the hospice house now for 4 days. it seems alot longer. today was a good day. he was much more stronger and a little more easy to understand. still has times of confusion and talks about things from the past but he recognizes people and remembers when people have stopped by, even if he didn't seem like it at the time.
mom spent the night last night and she said he had a very restful night. he has been eating pretty decent the last couple of days and even ask me to bring him a cup of Caribou coffee.
dad is aware at times that he isn't at home and will look over at us and ask when he gets to go home or say" I want to go home". which is heart breaking to all of us because we know he's better off there, getting the 24 hour nursing care and mom also needs the rest.
We appreciate all the support and visits to dad. I will continue to keep you all updated.